Sunday, February 11, 2007
A Home With A View
The place i live in now can be termed as a big town or a small city: the way you look at it. It is strange that as one lives in a place, over time, one starts to see the good which the place has to offer rather than crib about all things bad and gone wrong. When i first came here, i thought it was incredibly hot as in temperature-hot, even from calcutta reference point.
The temple beside
But this small city has given me so much - a home, a job which i am although partial about, it came to me when i was almost hitting bottom and more importantly - a feeling of being home.
The lake as viewed from my house
When you have lived in a big city all your life you start noticing the differences immediately, not to mention the way of thinking of the people. It needs to evolve, a lot, true. Also - this place has No Pub :(
But what is best about such a place like this is that it has tremendous chances of development, given the right kind of attention and resources, maybe on the lines of pune or hyderabad (more the latter cos of the climatic conditions). It has ample space to breathe for the people as well as for itself and it is developing in a planned way unlike adhoc like bangalore or calcutta. The latter is bursting at the seams and the former...well much has been said about its infrastructure and how the local people are unhappy with the sudden increase of population and the resultant change in weather.
The sunset
I like this place. It is scorching in summer no doubt. But like i said it has given me too many things to be thankful about.
The temple beside
But this small city has given me so much - a home, a job which i am although partial about, it came to me when i was almost hitting bottom and more importantly - a feeling of being home.
The lake as viewed from my house
When you have lived in a big city all your life you start noticing the differences immediately, not to mention the way of thinking of the people. It needs to evolve, a lot, true. Also - this place has No Pub :(
But what is best about such a place like this is that it has tremendous chances of development, given the right kind of attention and resources, maybe on the lines of pune or hyderabad (more the latter cos of the climatic conditions). It has ample space to breathe for the people as well as for itself and it is developing in a planned way unlike adhoc like bangalore or calcutta. The latter is bursting at the seams and the former...well much has been said about its infrastructure and how the local people are unhappy with the sudden increase of population and the resultant change in weather.
The sunset
I like this place. It is scorching in summer no doubt. But like i said it has given me too many things to be thankful about.
Posted at 11:26 am by Parna Comments (15)
Friday, February 09, 2007
She is gone
Marilyn died today. I don't know when.
I came back home, kept my bag in its usual place and looked towards the fishbowl. She was lying at the bottom of it, mouth open, as if she was trying to take that one last breathe. Dead and cold. I have had this apprehensive feeling again the last few days and had checked for movement in the area where the fishbowls are kept the moment i entered the room and switched on the light after coming home. Today it was quiet.
I lit a cigarette and went to my favourite window, stood there and took long deep drags and vaguely registered like many times before how beautiful the city looked from there. The wind seemed to be gentle and happy.
Tears rolled down, slowly and then they stopped. I knew i wanted to cry. Cry out of guilt for neglecting the signs, for not being bothered enough inspite of the fact that she has not been taking food properly the past few days. For having no Time. I thought what a selfish bitch i must be. Am sure i am, but that won't bring her back. She was my baby, cute and responsive, often nibbling playfully at my fingers.
She is still there, lying at the bottom of the bowl right beside the computer. I do not have it in me to flush her down. Am waiting for S to come home. A part rationalises that it is just a fish for heaven's sake and is silly to cry for a such a piddly thing. But logic doesn't always work. So right now i just want to curl up and sleep for a while.
You know what? Never get too attached to anything. It hurts like hell when the object leaves you without a clue.
I came back home, kept my bag in its usual place and looked towards the fishbowl. She was lying at the bottom of it, mouth open, as if she was trying to take that one last breathe. Dead and cold. I have had this apprehensive feeling again the last few days and had checked for movement in the area where the fishbowls are kept the moment i entered the room and switched on the light after coming home. Today it was quiet.
I lit a cigarette and went to my favourite window, stood there and took long deep drags and vaguely registered like many times before how beautiful the city looked from there. The wind seemed to be gentle and happy.
Tears rolled down, slowly and then they stopped. I knew i wanted to cry. Cry out of guilt for neglecting the signs, for not being bothered enough inspite of the fact that she has not been taking food properly the past few days. For having no Time. I thought what a selfish bitch i must be. Am sure i am, but that won't bring her back. She was my baby, cute and responsive, often nibbling playfully at my fingers.
She is still there, lying at the bottom of the bowl right beside the computer. I do not have it in me to flush her down. Am waiting for S to come home. A part rationalises that it is just a fish for heaven's sake and is silly to cry for a such a piddly thing. But logic doesn't always work. So right now i just want to curl up and sleep for a while.
You know what? Never get too attached to anything. It hurts like hell when the object leaves you without a clue.
Posted at 09:19 pm by Parna Make a comment
Friday, February 02, 2007
Trawlerman's Song
There is a magic in his voice. It is so calm that you know he sings from his soul. The calm which his music brings takes me with him everywhere he goes. Deep wide open seas, blue skies with no one in sight for miles, sitting on the edge of the boat, legs dangling by the side.
River Mohana on her way to meet the Bay of Bengal.
We're taking on water
Diesel and stores
Laying up awhile
Before I'm back on board
They're patching her up
To go fishing again
They're welding her rudder
Scrubbing her keel
Scars on her belly
Need time to heal
In the dock
With the trawlermen
The week has been slow and bad and each day i have come back home with a longing to sleep for hours. S has been very late coming home too. So here i was feeling a little low on a friday night, alone with no drink in hand to cheer me up (it is a dog's life. alas!) with this sudden need to call someone and talk. But just as it happens - no one to call.....and then Mr.Knopfler sang... :)
Dark is the night need a guiding light
To keep me
From foundering
On the rocks
My only prayer
Is just to see you there
At the end
Of my wandering
Back in the dock
Whenever i listen to Martha Wainwright and Damien Rice, i remember the cold december in California and how it just rained and rained. I would be huddled by the study in front of the comp, mostly alone since S had terrible schedules then. Most days i felt cold to my core inspite of the heater.
At times i do miss San Francisco, the daisies by the roadside, the seagulls, the library which helped me keep sane, the roads going up and down, the golden gate bridge and the sunset over it, that afternoon at fisherman's wharf, lombard street and the carefree spirit of the city, not to mention all the perks of living in a first world country.
But.....right now....am too glad to be where i am. Which in my language translates into - am just 8 hours away from my fav haunt - Someplace Else :)
River Mohana on her way to meet the Bay of Bengal.
We're taking on water
Diesel and stores
Laying up awhile
Before I'm back on board
They're patching her up
To go fishing again
They're welding her rudder
Scrubbing her keel
Scars on her belly
Need time to heal
In the dock
With the trawlermen
The week has been slow and bad and each day i have come back home with a longing to sleep for hours. S has been very late coming home too. So here i was feeling a little low on a friday night, alone with no drink in hand to cheer me up (it is a dog's life. alas!) with this sudden need to call someone and talk. But just as it happens - no one to call.....and then Mr.Knopfler sang... :)
Dark is the night need a guiding light
To keep me
From foundering
On the rocks
My only prayer
Is just to see you there
At the end
Of my wandering
Back in the dock
Whenever i listen to Martha Wainwright and Damien Rice, i remember the cold december in California and how it just rained and rained. I would be huddled by the study in front of the comp, mostly alone since S had terrible schedules then. Most days i felt cold to my core inspite of the heater.
At times i do miss San Francisco, the daisies by the roadside, the seagulls, the library which helped me keep sane, the roads going up and down, the golden gate bridge and the sunset over it, that afternoon at fisherman's wharf, lombard street and the carefree spirit of the city, not to mention all the perks of living in a first world country.
But.....right now....am too glad to be where i am. Which in my language translates into - am just 8 hours away from my fav haunt - Someplace Else :)
Posted at 10:39 pm by Parna Comments (3)
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Ye Hain India Meri Jaan
I have met so many friends through orkut and each time it is a OMG experience. Mostly long lost friends. It is great to know what they have been upto this past decade or so. Many have kids. It is a good feeling as well as 'have we really come this far?' moment. So many years...think if i lived this life again, i will live it nearly the same way (random thought) . You see i am one of those many people who just don't learn from their mistakes.
-----------------------
S and i got ourselves another pair of fish. Cute little orange things whom we named Molly and Polly. We also changed the fish-food since Bob and Marilyn had stopped taking the old ones. Polly died a day after. I found her in the morning. It looked like she was sitting on a rock at the bottom of the fishbowl. When no amount of scaring made her move, i knew she was gone. What do u do with a small dead fish, the one you keep as a pet and feed everyday? I flushed her down, ruthlessly. Molly died this monday. They were cute beings and would just flitter about the entire fishbowl, giving no chance to Marilyn to bully them. Think she got scared with all the sudden movement.
But life goes on....
------------------------
Saw Guru. I had a lot to say about it but now i have gone and forgotten what it was except for the fact that i liked the movie and understood what could possibly be the chemistry between Abhishek and Ash.
It didn't matter to me, this much hyped nuptial between the two. But i have heard the vaguest of references regarding Ashwairya, primary being - she is an old hag. Their view - for heaven's sake she is 33 and how could she walkaway with The bachelor Of The Season? How really!
You know listening to stuff like this, taking deep breathe and counting till 10 does not help. A man has arrived when he is 30 and a woman is a has-been when she is 33? WTF. Films do reflect our lives to a large extent. True a lot magnified. Also - isn't she the only woman in the hindi film industry today who can carry a movie on her shoulders alone? Probably. Whether it is a hit or a miss comes later and whether you like her or not is also a different matter. Why is this then such a big deal?
---------------------------
My bike got it's first service. So S and i went a couple of days back to the service centre. The man sitting on the counter told me that it would take the entire day. So both of us came back in the evening and even then it was not done. So we waited for a while and this guy started chatting with me when S took a ciggy break. Where i worked? How much was my sal? Who was this man who had come along? I replied some and evaded the rest. When he came to know S and i were married, he said -
"Sorry, very very sorry madam, samajh nahi paya tha."
I murmured back that it was alright. And then he threw me a bummer after enquiring on how long we had been together -
"So aap ka koi bachha nahi hai?"
"Nahi."
"Achha, agar ho bhi jaye galti se...usse kutch nahi kijiyega. Mujhe doctor ne khud bataya hai...kutch medicine ya...*hint hint* matt use kijiye. Ye toh bhagwan ki den hai. Iss saal family ko badha lijiye" (this from a person who i had met 20 minutes back. The 6 minutes in the morning did not count)
Too stunned to reply, i kept quiet and my peace and finally asked him out of politeness how long he had been married. Turns out he has been, for almost a year and has a 2 and a 1/2 month old daughter (i did the math in my mind). At the end of our conversation both S and i were counselling him for getting a better job since apparently he had done a M.Sc and was doing a clerical one.
------------------
Lin decided to move to bangalore. She is deeply, madly in love with a guy who is married and probably has no intention of separating from his wife cos he does not want to disturb the family equilibrium. But i suspect it is the hefty dowry he took beside the minor fact that her dad is a MLA with loads of contacts with heavyweights in Patna.
Lin is a hardworking girl who runs her family which consists of her parents and a no-gooder-free-loading brother for whom she keeps finding jobs through the little sources she has and he keeps quitting them for altu-faltu reasons. She fought blood cancer at the age of 22 and i think (since she asks me often) that it was a good move. At 25 everyone deserves to live a little and feel young and carefree. But whenever she asks me about D (the man in her life) and whether i think they will ever get together, i lie straight faced.
I know i am going to miss her for a while.
But life goes on......
--------------------
A big hey to Subs (silly of course i remember you), Crab (bikey got a repair and is doing fine now and i even managed to get it another scratch), SwB (you bet am gonna buy a car soon man :) ), Sanity Starved and Ph. It is really good to see you.
-----------------------
S and i got ourselves another pair of fish. Cute little orange things whom we named Molly and Polly. We also changed the fish-food since Bob and Marilyn had stopped taking the old ones. Polly died a day after. I found her in the morning. It looked like she was sitting on a rock at the bottom of the fishbowl. When no amount of scaring made her move, i knew she was gone. What do u do with a small dead fish, the one you keep as a pet and feed everyday? I flushed her down, ruthlessly. Molly died this monday. They were cute beings and would just flitter about the entire fishbowl, giving no chance to Marilyn to bully them. Think she got scared with all the sudden movement.
But life goes on....
------------------------
Saw Guru. I had a lot to say about it but now i have gone and forgotten what it was except for the fact that i liked the movie and understood what could possibly be the chemistry between Abhishek and Ash.
It didn't matter to me, this much hyped nuptial between the two. But i have heard the vaguest of references regarding Ashwairya, primary being - she is an old hag. Their view - for heaven's sake she is 33 and how could she walkaway with The bachelor Of The Season? How really!
You know listening to stuff like this, taking deep breathe and counting till 10 does not help. A man has arrived when he is 30 and a woman is a has-been when she is 33? WTF. Films do reflect our lives to a large extent. True a lot magnified. Also - isn't she the only woman in the hindi film industry today who can carry a movie on her shoulders alone? Probably. Whether it is a hit or a miss comes later and whether you like her or not is also a different matter. Why is this then such a big deal?
---------------------------
My bike got it's first service. So S and i went a couple of days back to the service centre. The man sitting on the counter told me that it would take the entire day. So both of us came back in the evening and even then it was not done. So we waited for a while and this guy started chatting with me when S took a ciggy break. Where i worked? How much was my sal? Who was this man who had come along? I replied some and evaded the rest. When he came to know S and i were married, he said -
"Sorry, very very sorry madam, samajh nahi paya tha."
I murmured back that it was alright. And then he threw me a bummer after enquiring on how long we had been together -
"So aap ka koi bachha nahi hai?"
"Nahi."
"Achha, agar ho bhi jaye galti se...usse kutch nahi kijiyega. Mujhe doctor ne khud bataya hai...kutch medicine ya...*hint hint* matt use kijiye. Ye toh bhagwan ki den hai. Iss saal family ko badha lijiye" (this from a person who i had met 20 minutes back. The 6 minutes in the morning did not count)
Too stunned to reply, i kept quiet and my peace and finally asked him out of politeness how long he had been married. Turns out he has been, for almost a year and has a 2 and a 1/2 month old daughter (i did the math in my mind). At the end of our conversation both S and i were counselling him for getting a better job since apparently he had done a M.Sc and was doing a clerical one.
------------------
Lin decided to move to bangalore. She is deeply, madly in love with a guy who is married and probably has no intention of separating from his wife cos he does not want to disturb the family equilibrium. But i suspect it is the hefty dowry he took beside the minor fact that her dad is a MLA with loads of contacts with heavyweights in Patna.
Lin is a hardworking girl who runs her family which consists of her parents and a no-gooder-free-loading brother for whom she keeps finding jobs through the little sources she has and he keeps quitting them for altu-faltu reasons. She fought blood cancer at the age of 22 and i think (since she asks me often) that it was a good move. At 25 everyone deserves to live a little and feel young and carefree. But whenever she asks me about D (the man in her life) and whether i think they will ever get together, i lie straight faced.
I know i am going to miss her for a while.
But life goes on......
--------------------
A big hey to Subs (silly of course i remember you), Crab (bikey got a repair and is doing fine now and i even managed to get it another scratch), SwB (you bet am gonna buy a car soon man :) ), Sanity Starved and Ph. It is really good to see you.
Posted at 09:29 pm by Parna Comments (3)
Friday, January 12, 2007
Shaken And Stirred
As the great Ms.Kahini would say - Oh Dere!!!!
The last two days - no let me correct - the last Three days have been bad with a capital B. And i suspect it has everything to do with work. Somehow since the time i have joined back after the new year hols, it does not excite me anymore. To put it briefly- lately work has been quite dissatisfying.
Think i digressed there. Last two days has seen me lose my temper at the drop of a hat, mostly justified (and yes thats my version). And EVERYthing seems to be working against me, including the matchbox which is supposed to just light my fire and not my fingers.
So i was parking my bike yesterday, after reaching home, and just like that it toppled over and crashed to it's side. I ran to the other side to check for scratches. There were many :( I touched the places and it felt like a part of me ha been hurt. S always treats his car like his kid. He strokes her (?) and each time i have seen him name his cars. Yesterday for the first time i understood what he might feel.
And today, i was just parking the bike in the space in front of my office. The place was empty except for two lone bikes. Imagine this - i press the accelerator for just pushing it over the bump near the gate and by some mysterious twist of hand it gets into a full blast and roars into the wall, WHAM, denting my mud-guard very very badly, hurting both my knees (the left is swollen and blue) and My EGO! Now my right-shoulder and hand also hurt. It must have been the impact.
Have asked S to come and get me today. Need to go to the service centre tomorrow. Think i will just take a chill pill over the weekend :(
Posted at 06:56 pm by Parna Comments (8)
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